PAJ

This is a page about the in-universe events, lore, story, and otherwise relevant information of PlayAnimalJam/PAJ as a media. If you are looking for the real life history of the blog, see here. If you are interested in AJHQ the company, see here.

PlayAnimalJam is the story of AJHQ, a dubiously-well-intentioned company stationing itself all across America (and many other places, too!). Employees who enter their buildings never come back, but hey, that's just business, ain't it?

There's a lot to be known about what happens before the blog, but let's be honest, you can read the other pages to know that.

Beginnings
TheRealAJHQ began on April 13th 14th with a post immediately introducing the audience to the Animal Jam employee known as Eric Gun AJHQ, explaining in a very brief message that those at AJHQ had decided to make a Tumblr account. In turn, many of the posts proceeding this consist of dubious claims about future Animal Jam updates, leaning a focus on primarily comedic and illogical posts in relation to such a topic or other articles askers on the blog may have sent. Out of these posts, there remains to be a few that manage to hold future importance, whether it be continuous threats about sending Jammers to The Hive, or a continuous stream of posts discussing the Iconic Cryptid by the name of Bigfoot.

In the meantime, Eric also occasionally elaborates on his own purpose within the company, at first vaguely stating that he is a "cool guy who works at AJHQ", later adding that he mostly focus on answering questions, with the occasional posts in between. Some of these posts include statements about himself of increasingly dubious truth, where it be contradicting the blog's introductory post by claiming that he specifically made the account due to no longer being allowed on other platforms, or being the one to allow certain accursed words to get through Animal Jam's chat filter.

Finally, after a long while of dumbass posts, AJHQ does a completely 180 in their shift towards solely posting about Bigfoot, much to the chagrin of the Jamblr community, leading to...

The Bigfoot Discourse
The Bigfoot Discourse was a series of INCREDIBLY fiery and violent arguments regarding AJHQ's obsession with Bigfoot, and later, his addition to the game itself. Many of these accusations included Bigfoot being a pointless and unfitting concept, even insinuating that the company seemingly had an obsession or fetish towards the ape, and so on and so forth. Most of these posts were responded by astounding comebacks from the blog, such as "I'm going to ban your fucking account", "Bigfoot is a God", "Shut the fuck up" and "Have you ever seen Finding Bigfoot?" Professionalism at its finest, Jammer!

After hours of unrest and continuous arguing, AJHQ decides, in spite of their haters, to unveil the spectacular news to the beloved audience that Tumblr holds: Bigfoot is coming.

Thank god no actual discourse stemmed beyond that, right, Jammers?

.....Right, Jammers?

The Rest
Cementing their presence into this new era of Animal Jam Funny, those at AJHQ celebrate the "victorious" feat in the copious amount of Bigfoot endeavors by posting about ABATONS! ABATONS! ABATONS! Are you excited!?!?!?!?!? YES!!!! BE EXCITED!!!!!!!

Of course, alongside this, there is the typical resuming of random Animal Jam News, with a side of fearing the entity known as Ap*rri, and worship of their dearest croc that does, in fact, hold a strange grasp upon the corporation as a whole. That probably doesn't mean anything, though. As the unfortunate Jammers continue to talk about fucking and sucking against each employees will, mentions of The Hive increase by the second, with an implication that this fate is worse than death... But don't worry! As it turns out, Bigfoot is our lord and savior, so he'll surely keep us safe! I'm sure Eric can attest to th

After all these VERY normal and non-threatening posts, we are now introduced to yet another crucial facet to the blog's existence.... Fun Fact Sunday! All of these facts are COMPLETELY 100% accurate, and nothing is disconcerting in any way! Even if it DID mean that Eric has to keep turning off the askbox, in spite of the pleas of the dearest Jammers. It's okay, these actions are certainly for their betterment, in the end! Much like AJHQ's attempts to murk their Instagram counterparts, from little to no success... Oh well. There's always next time!

At least, the employees are able to enjoy a cup of coffee, and ignore the existence of N*tional- God fucking damn it, Jammers, as it turns out, that bitch Jane is always breaking the fucking thing. Do you know how hard it is to enjoy a good ol' cup of coffee when it the coffee machine fucking broke again? Do you understand? Divorce.

Don't worry though. Eric is gay AND a thot! Plus, he can sure as hell eat a pear and AVOID TALKING ABOUT THE HIVE AND ITS CONSUMPTION RELATED ACTIVITIES. Wow! Awesome! Eric is such a good worker for AJHQ, after all!

With that, as a sudden turn of events, AJHQ's normal stupid cringe fail posts suddenly take a change in tone, as a series of posts consist solely of "hey jammers" arise, more out of nowhere Certified Hive/Death threats from seemingly Eric getting angry at the prospect of #doubles, and complaints about the coffee machine STILL FUCKING BREAKING DUE TO THAT FUCKING PRICK JANE.

4/20/18
But of course, 4/20 is a date that is filled with sin, Jammers! All is cut short when it is explicitly confirmed that "They" have arrived to the headquarters, with the pleading posts going further in their amounts as employees begin directly begging the Jammers for help, even going to the extent of telling them to run. They also ask funny questions about monkeys!!!!! And a VERY specific and abusive type of bird!!!! YIPEEE!!!!!!! Good things most come to an end, however, as AJHQ resumes their desperation, implying that those residing their are being killed off, and express that these beloved Jammers stay safe and that they care about them. On one end, employees discover the end of their spouse, and on the other, employees ascend to a place beyond this plane known as "Animal Jam". The crocodile, once trusted, begin brutally mauling its inhabitants. Through such cryptic posts about heavens above, and finally, Finally becoming free from their shackles, it is revealed that, although the Jammers themselves may have thought these were the workings of the Instagram counterpart, the reasoning behind such mass-murder events is simple. National Geographic has seized the building. Talk about a rough divorce, huh, Jammers?

Followed by an "intermission" spam consisting of random fucking images, AJHQ returns insisting that they are fine and PEACHY-KEEN :), but their frantic speech returns promptly, whether it be speaking more of death, staying safe, or posting song lyrics. The weight of Jane's stupid fucking corpse breaks the coffee machine, because even in her death, WE CAN'T HAVE OUR FUCKING COFFEE. National Geographic, through this disastrous outcome, informs the Jammers they were unable to contain the employees, further suggesting that their attempts at capture were to exterminate these figures "once and for all."

The employees attempt to further make their escape, but instead continue to liveblog the demises of both their pathetic carcasses AND those of their fellow employees, including the poor, poor Jambassadors. Julian2 is okay though. That sneaky fucking asshole. As National Geographic furthers its completely takeover of the company, AJHQ once more tells the Jammers they love them and to stay safe, while still seemingly set on their own End Being Near as evident as the day. With that, National Geographic begins to take the helm for posting, as AJHQ deserved their fate, shutting down any other Jammer's attempts at refuting their control in the process. AJHQ, through seemingly their final words, warns the Jammers of something greater, more powerful than Nat Geo to arrive... as per the addition of posts implying some strange relation to these events with THE BEE MOVIE GAME (as well as Nat Geo using a phrase correlated to a certain App Game character inside the tags), and more overtly detailed death posts. Blood and violence is important to any balanced breakfast!

National Geographic's reign couldn't last forever, however. As AJHQ stated themselves, a familiar entity arrives.

He's here.

Our lord and savior Bigfoot himself arrives, annihilating National Geographic in the process and, in turn, restoring the blog to its original state.

Most Jammers grow to accept Bigfoot as a generous being, letting him into their hearts, and letting peace spread across the land known as AJHQ. Everything is back to normal, right?

Right?

Transfer to PlayAnimalJam
On one solemn night, AJHQ posts a few messages of uncertain concern, presumably in the arrival of a new blog that, uncannily, looks to be the real, REAL Animal Jam Headquarters. Out of fear of their own... ahem. Termination, AJHQ stops posting, and leaves with a post that simply claims: "Better to die than be killed, Jammer." and proceeded to discontinue posting ever since.

....

....

....

....

....

But that isn't true, is it, Jammer?

PlayAnimalJam (2018-2019)*
' *AUTHOR'S NOTE. PlayAnimalJam, for reasons you are about to discover, is no longer accessible, even to those at our headquarters. Therefore, the following summaries may have points missing, less detailed areas, and even botched retellings. If you or your family still has remnants of this ""cringe shitty blog"", please send them over to the Aparrchives, ran by.... no... it can't be... NO ONO NO ONONO NONOONON N '

Beginnings
PlayAnimalJam, like any well behaved OFFICIAL AJHQ corporate account, typically reposted the same types of affairs as the others across these sites, whether it be new silly pieces of registered Animal Jam Merch, Normal Updates, and so on. One fateful day, however, the Official AJHQ's postings turned focus towards a brand new announcement, as was never seen before on any other opposing site. The news counted down faster ever faster, as it was said to arrive in an hour, then a half hour, then 15 minutes, then 5 more minutes, then 1 minute, then...



With that, everyone's FAVORITE AJHQ was back.

Once more, AJHQ went back to their typical style of posting, albeit forever tainted further with the ominous bearing of vehemence, whether it be their Croc killing a child, or other mentions of copious amounts of murder. Of course, as per any re-introduction of an Animal Themed Children's Game blog, Eric officially returns, once again reaffirming that he and his "pals" at AJHQ are the ones running the blog, and that they, in fact, missed the Jammers in their brief departure. HE'S ALSO ALIVE AND WELL AND EATING A BERRY BITCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! FUCK YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Shitballs
Business continues at usual in AJHQ, with their coffee machine still breaking, and...

While at first it seems that a fit over their coffee machine being FUCKING broken has yet again occurred, in actuality, it revealed that their coffee machine has transformed back into a human and is currently trying to throttle them all. After subsequent confusion from the former coffee machine and pleads for his own humanity, the man attempts to persist that he is "not a coffee machine, and his name is H-" before being promptly transformed to his coffee-maker state. Weird! Anyways, back to Eric.

As more Jammers flock to Eric and ask him so so many awesome and cool questions, he happily takes upon the opportunity to talk about himself and strictly encourages increasing compliments to his general direction. Albeit most of his claims continue to be up in the air or downright obvious lies, Eric particularly informs the audience that he is a certified GUN ENJOYER, that of which being the same item he changed his last name to, and he is married to a man named Merriam, but seems to be otherwise utterly uninterested in talking about their relationship, other than the fact that, apparently, no one came to their wedding. He later comments this is because he purposely didn't invite anyone. Other posts imply of another figure that Eric may or may not have close contact to, including disconcerting words about/against AJHQ itself, but lol he's probably just saying bullshit just dudes being dudes

Between the statements of Eric and other employees, knowledge about the coffee machine is Somewhat given, seeing that the entity was once known as Harold Coff (although he is EXPLICITLY not allowed to be mentioned!), being punished within his coffee machine prison for attempting to prank his fellow coworkers by naming the files such INSULTING phrases such as "shitballs" and "minionballs". By extension, this practical joke seemed to be prompted by Eric calling him this specific former title as some way of belittling him. When questioned about this, Eric jumps to defend himself and claims the Jammers are harassing him, before immediately going on to state that Harold doesn't matter when he's the REAL Tumblr Sexyman. He even makes a Poll to prove it!.....Which Harold wins, leading Eric to immediately insult the Jammers and threaten to send them to The Hive over it once more. Of course, he still gets Employee of the Month as he always does, because Eric is the best Animal Jam employee to exist!

On the other hand, other average AJHQ employee go about their day by ordering fun items from the Silly Old Mailmen (WHORES), who consequently die as anybody who goes near the building has a 50/50 percent chance of being killed in the most brutal and horrific ways possible, leading to most employees explicitly avoiding, let alone not being Allowed to leave the building in the slightest. Not that it even matters, anyhow. A significant amount of workers aren't even human in the first place! Also the Croc is definitely their boss and legally owns all their souls. Typical business practices at work!

Meanwhile, as Harold the Coffee Machine breaks yet again in his form of stasis, the employees are put up enough to the point of throwing him out into the Ashlands their building resides on, where he is soon found by..... '[https://aparrchives.tumblr.com/post/679930062585348096 No.. It can't be.....]' As this occurs, AJHQ looks to find a new coffee machine, and settles on Jane who, as it turns out, was Harold's wife, and her long past of breaking coffee machines was, in truth, an attempt at freeing her husband from his prison. Tragiccore, Jammers!

Who CARES about divorce when you've got ERIC, Jammer! Clearly that's something that doesn't even remotely effect him! Eric resumes more of his posting about himself and insisting on his attractive and awesome and cool qualities, although he seems to avoid directly revealing his appearance aside from stock photos and other lousy descriptions, typical including his association with candles or.... birds? Eric's fucked up monologues seemingly to himself persist, which a janitor, John, eventually takes notice of and comments on how fucking bonkers these behaviors are, all the while he is cleaning up another body in the breakroom. John's paranoia over the topic persists, eventually going on a long rant on how No One Talks About Eric, and that, inherently, through each of his very actions, the janitor comes to the conclusion that... Eric cannot be something that is human by any means. He is, undeniably, a Robot. Eric, as if he were summoned by the mere mention of his name, tells John to get back to work. AND NO, BEFORE YOU FUCKING ASK, HE IS NOT LANKY KONG, AND HE NEVER WILL BE, JAMMERS.

Harold learns the truth from National Geographic.

The employees at AJHQ don't notice that their old coffee machine has returned to its original premises.

Eric attempts to enter the breakroom and gets water-Mr. Bucket pranked, instantaneously electrocuting him. This is shown to be a plot by John, who was SOMEHOW correct in that belief that, yes, Eric is a robot. However, seconds before Mr. Gun's circuitry is completely fried, Eric manages to turn the poor janitor into a printer, consequently adding him to the ever-growing list of employees NO ONE at AJHQ can talk about ever. Everyone knew Eric was a robot, anyways! John was obviously so, SO jealous. Ergo, Eric temporarily goes out of commission, a matter that Susan, yet another janitor, incidentally wanders in on, as Eric is in the rice-bath, there is an beyond suspicious trail of blood leading out of his chest cavity and into AJHQ's cringe loser basement. Here, she discovers a group of what appears to be several sentient birds, being directed by a single Luzon Bleeding Heart Dove with a bloody stick, for some fucking reason. Upon being alerted by her arrival, this bird says a single, wise word.... *they cussed on regular show voice* bitch. He orders the other birds, with their group by the name of the Blood Desirers, to bonk her with a comically large baseball bat, before proceeding to lock her in the basement. This freak of a bird himself retreats back to Eric's body, whom of which finally reboots, expressing some inclination of gratitude over the bird's return before resuming his own work. History says they were best friends, Jammer!

When going to check up on how their wonderful Crocodile boss is doing, the AJHQ employees quickly discover that it has started laying eggs. Just absolutely fucking everywhere, making a huge mess and shit, it's a complete goddamn nightmare. On memorial day of all things, too? God, you've got to be kidding me, Jammers. Between the various amounts of egg terror from the poor workers, and Eric's incredibly insight commentary of "https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t3vkEYHTcC0", everyone is having a miserable time in these goofy antics! Nagito Komaeda, another janitor at AJHQ, returns from his shift and is met with complete and utter horror. While the most important of AJHQ's managers have a discussion for how to cure these silly occurrences, the front door to the office breaks down.

Harold, with a glock in hand and National Geographic by his side, begins his act of revenge on AJHQ by absolutely shooting the fuck out of every single employee he sees. Just violently tearing them apart. This murder evolves into full on using the corpses of employees as clothing, and drinking their blood in addendum. Yeesh! Eric, who hears about all this murdering going on, promptly attempts to bring himself down towards the chaos to watch it happen by the sidelines help the poor innocent employees who are currently getting their shit wrecked, before he, quite sadly, slips on a wet floor sign and eats shit, dying on impact. His fail bird friend, not about to miss the actions, decides it is best to completely abandon his freak of a robot comrade, once again calling the Blood Desirers to aid his side in the process.

Luckily, Harold kills more people, obviously, and in the ONLY TIME HE APPEARS ON THE ORIGINAL BLOG, Eric's husband (at that current point), Merriam, encounters the bird while trying to evade Harold's one hell of a raid, who, in the background, announces normal person phrases like "You fools. Who's the shitball now" and kill another guy, the bird WHO WE ARE SITLL HAVING TO AVOID USING THE NAME OF BECAUSE HE LITERALLY NEVER MENTIONS IT UNTIL LATER, calls the engineer over, praising how entertaining the mass-death experience is, and that it is (EXACT WORDS ON BLOG) "like a comedy movie except it's free!" Merriam's like (not exact words on blog) "literally what does that even mean. who says that. what's your issue." The dove gets upset over this notion and crytypes before fucking off, evidently to forcefully insert himself further into the action.

By "inserting himself into the action" this means he manages to find National Geographic, who has been taking its sweet time with murdering this time around due to the "eagerness" of its accomplice. The dove bites the absolutely fuck out of Nat Geo, who proceeds go limp. Number one walking cringe compilation of a bird is quick to take this as a success in killing him, gloating about it while he looks to find Harold next, and beginning to furthermore claim his status of being a God, moreso powerful than Nat will ever be. Susie, an intern, catches notices of the bird incredibly loudly and obnoxiously monologuing to himself about his intentions on overthrowing AJHQ piece by, as she quietly pursues his endeavors until a standstill is met between the funny bird and Harold.

Upon walking in on the scene, Harold seems to have murdered The Boss of AJHQ itself, but instead discovers that the crocodile was never a living entity at all, instead being a false idol/robot. As Harold remarks on this utterly shocking discovery, he turns and see's the dove, annoyed by the interruptions on his violent spite-fueled murder spree. The bird FINALLY announces himself as Leonardo Akuma, going on more god-laden rants that result in he and shitball arguing with one another. If that wasn't bad enough, Leo further stresses Harold the fuck out by convincing him that, yes, the bird murdered Nat Geo himself, causing the shitball to be... Alone. Susie attempt to persuade Leo into not trying any shit, because one of them has a gun and the other is like. A bird who is evidently at this point not an actual bird. Although her words do put Leonardo in his place violence-wise, this does not stop the two dumbasses from still keeping each other absolutely distracted, mostly through throwing empty threats around.

This persists until our lord and savior, Bigfoot, approaches the scene. Leonardo, on the dot, heads out of that situation as SOON as possible as per not wanting to get roped up in whatever the hell the ape is about to pull, with Susie subtly making her own exit as well. Bigfoot approaches Harold, and although the coffee machine first shows aggression, it is evident that Bigfoot seemingly has no intention to hurt the man. In fact, he tells Harold that he forgives him, opening his arms for an embrace. Harold, albeit surprised, accepts. Through this action, Bigfoot says that he is aware that while Harold is great, the employees at AJHQ still need their coffee, and before Harold can protest, turns him back into an inanimate object once more. We cut back to National Geographic itself one more time who is, obviously, alive, but disappointed that he has lost his assistant, deciding to retreat as well. As the curtains close on this scene, it is shown that all of this was being watched from afar from the true Boss of AJHQ, and as it zooms out, discloses that her true identity turns out to be Spot from Dash Tag. As she sips her coffee, she proceeds to comment that it "tastes like justice", ending the arc.

Intermission I / 7-11-18
Thank god THAT'S over, huh, Jammers? With employees going back to their roots of dying at random intervals and incredibly Normal PR Managers mumbling to themselves about the 6th of June and killing their Boss/Fellow Employees alongside their bird best friend, we completely ignore any acknowledgement on what just happened a few days ago, and make MORE hilarious and comedic posts about the Jamming. And the Animals. I really don't know what you expected, Jammers! During some of these posts, we hear back from Eric when he isn't doing suspicious activities in his freetime, such as actually doing his job. His job still remains to be incredibly vague, seeing as he goes to check on the living, physical apparatus's in a permanent state of torment known as the "Alphas." This includes iconic hilarious character PECK, who draws quite a silly image of ICONIC MEME Loss dot jpg, that of which Eric curses her over. Then, he *downs several pounds of birdseed at once*. Exciting content!

You know what's even MORE exciting, Jammers? That's right, SPONSORSHIP DEALS. And what better brand to be sponsored by that- oh, what's that? We're not allowed to name him? Goddamnit, this is why you can't trust rats, Jammers. In a series of quite overtly annoying messages towards a certain blog formerly under the theming of a specific company, through the month of July, the topic of the MOST IMPORTANT HOLIDAY 7/11 comes to mind. After these many desperate requests for sponsorship are ignored, one fateful day AJHQ's shitty furry prayers are finally answered... But this does not satisfy the children's game company, and the proceed to continue their pretentious posts about fighting the mouse face to face, with more asks being sent and bluffing to be found. AJHQ employees not involved in the fighting discuss these trivial matters, and even certain Managers attempt to refute such comments, only for his opposing force to quickly provide virgin-adjacent accusations, a mortifying matter for manwhores worldwide. In the safety of AJHQ's own blog, Mr. Gun allows himself to make incredibly normal and average posts suggesting his current conditions towards these matters. Others pray tell of The Animal Jams Alphas React to You Announcing You’re Pregreant, or [https://aparrchives.tumblr.com/post/679926718380851200/playanimaljam-namiratesquared oh good fucking god why the hell is Nagito Komaeda on the blog again. and why is he mentioning...] Ahem. Anyways, this encounter ends with one concluding word of advice, that AJHQ makes sure to follow until the day their atoms explode and kill everyone in the nearest vicinity.... It seemed to work out in the end, because they managed to get an influx of over 100 followers in one night. Yahoo!

Additionally, Susie, and a fellow intern, Scott, also return, going to 7-11 in honor of free slurpee day. This is for naught, because the latter doesn't even like slurpees. What a cunt! scrooge mcduck

Other Jammers commit fun activities, such as getting into kindrama, or making highly requested moodboards. During times such as these, AJHQ makes sure to post helpful advice to their platform as they always do!

Who Did This / Juice Makes Leaves / Plant Life Cycle / That time AJHQ Spammed the Veggietales tag on accident / Some other ones probably
Following this, we are introduced to yet another manager, Jordon. He probably does some shit, but fuck if any of us know what that is! This is especially made obvious when the only word he seems to be able to state is "Guitar." Freak.

Meanwhile, we hear again from Harold..... uh, kinda. He seems to be now trapped in a strange, wisteria covered plane... Which is none other than AJHQ's Containment. The worst employees deserve only punishments of an equal level, Jammers! At least he's able to post about Minecr- wait....

Harold doesn't fucking know what that even is. Who- well, they jumped out of the window, so it sure as hell can't matter to us now. One of the janitor's (unspecified, you decide!) cleans up even more bodies that randomly appear. Some other insignificant things probably happen in between this, and then the figure returns... Soon introducing himself as... Ahem. ''"Hi my name is Barold T. National Geographic Blonde Harold and I have short tea blonde hair (that’s how I got my name) with cream streaks and red tips that reaches my mid-neck and evil yellow eyes like the national geographic logo and a lot of people tell me I look like Harold Coff (AN: if u don’t know who he is get da hell out of here!). I’m not related to the janitor but I wish I was because he’s a major fucking hottie. I’m a vampire but my teeth are straight and white. I have pale white skin. I’m also a clone, and I work at a magic company called National Geographic in some sort of inbetween realms place where I’m in the first year (I was just born). I’m a goth (in case you couldn’t tell) and I wear mostly black. I love National Geographic and I buy all my clothes from there. For example today I was wearing a black corset with matching lace around it and a black leather miniskirt, pink fishnets and black combat boots. I was wearing black lipstick, white foundation, black eyeliner and red eye shadow. I was walking outside National Geographic. It was snowing and raining ash so there was no sun, which I was very happy about. A lot of AJHQ employees stared at me. I put up my middle finger at them."'' and then he like just leaves again i'm pretty sure. Helpful! We briefly get back to Jordon, as he runs into piles of suspicious blue feathers scattered around THE (DESIGNATED MANAGER-ONLY BREAK)ROOM. When searching for someone to clean these articles up, he is frightened by the sudden influxes of Non-Animal Jam gaming being posted onto the blog, panicking. He also loses his arms during this and none of us can still figure out why.

When the blog reaches 300 followers, however, the employees began to celebrate this feat by commemorating the company's UNIVERSALLY BELOVED fish, Fluffy, the producer of The Juice! This is because Fluffy measures, to be exact, 300 centimeters. When attempting to show the Jammers this exact height in person, the employees quick discover horrible, downright disastrous news.... Fluffy has been murdered, being taped to the ceiling and, consequently, dying. There's also a Boobah floating in his pond water? ??????Okay As everyone is completely fucking devastated by this, immediately begin investigation, bringing out a list of Suspects to who Fluffy's killer could be. This includes Henry the consumer, hungering deeply for souls; Rachel, always calling the wrong numbers due to Fluffy's overwhelming telepathic ability; Mary, infuriated that no one would drink her punch as preference for The Juice; Chris, always seen looking for various amounts of adhesives; David, honestly who even gives a shit; Jordon, because he's cringe; and Diane, who JGGDFFDFGF

Through a series of anons (shown on the side,) a young girl is shown to be taken to the alternative realm of AJHQ, known specifically as Anna. You can just read that here it's better than just unnecessarily summarizing it in words <3

Meanwhile, AJHQ shares some SICK gardening tips! That's literally it. As these gardening posts progress into more depressing spirals of Forever being trapped in The Suit, it is sound to be found out that these are all made AJHQ's registered disgusting beast, Brady Barr, who must be contained at all times because his power is INCREDIBLY UNMATCHED BY ANY. He also turns people into fruits and vegetables as revenge... Typical Earthaboo behavior.

Speaking of assholes who use the company account to post about dumb shit, around THIS time begins the introduction of Normal Human, an employee who types in explicitly owospeak and emoticons, implying some accursed hive-related implications of their placement in the company and proceeding to claim "Thwey wont kweep us cwotwained hwewe fowevwer!" Also I guess one of the computers comes alive at some point during Fun Fact Sunday but like whatever

After like even more silence Barold FINALLY comes back the company, gets scared shitless by the ladybugs, and leaves. Sometime during this, National Geographic decides to take care of things himself. When Jordon is caught unaware, National Geographic kidnaps him and drags the man across the Ashlands and, much like Harold, to NGHQ itself. It's unclear what happens here, but as employees begin to become annoyed at the disappearance of Jordon as a figure, seeing as none of his tasks (unspecified) are getting done proper. When further questioning this out loud, the answers to their prayers soon arise as Gordon, who is definitely Jordon and not anyone else, arrives to the company to take that freak of a boy's place. Therefore, Gordon attempts to avoid suspicion by resuming Jordon's jobs, but, much like Barold, gets frightened by the influx of ladybugs that cover the premises and runs off.

Fortunately, this does not mean that the company remains to be without a clearly important employee for much longer. As it turns out, Jordon drags himself back to AJHQ by himself, albeit with his logo blatantly torn off and just... Well, absolutely wrecked to shit, Jammers! We cut briefly back to Harold, who is now experiencing the various amounts of low-stress simulations of containment, typically including his wife Jane and certain low budget independent film projects that may include words such as "The" or "Room."

Needing someone to watch over him as his logo semi-fails to grow back, Larry, a guy who does.... Does it even matter? is appointed to keep Jordon under his watch. He seems to be somewhat fucking terrible at this, even acknowledging this himself, being too frightened to directly interact with the injured employee, (this is likely because he keeps growling and snarling, not even sticking to his usual Guitar noises or anything of the like,) in line with keeping him trapped in a small empty room in the basement for days on end. At most, he briefly wanders in and attributes to him items such as a cup of coffee or a blanket, but keeps interactions to a minimum, especially when Jordon becomes immobile at multiple points, although still holding some remnant of being alive as he attempts to lash out at the poor man on several occasions.

Sticking to his promise, he stays in the basement floor while still attempting to commit to his own average activities, whether it be gawking at John's non-functioning printer corpse or making a pie for his fellow employees. As it is revealed he has an affinity for holidays, he attempts to cheer Jordon's mood by including him in the designated Wolfenoot celebrations, only to be ferociously attacked by Jordon without mercy. Jordon now takes this as an opportunity to fully escape, now mauling and tearing apart any employee that lays in his path, much to the shock of those with enough woe to have encountered him at this point. Other employees nonchalantly acknowledge Jordon's sudden murderous tendencies as a regular occurrence, letting his Hellmode-induced raid continue.

This is, until one of the employees apologizes to the manager properly, attempting to calm him down through reassurance that they definitely did care about his disappearance and were actively both look AND concerned about him. As Jordon is distracted, a guitar stand is set up near him, which he is quickly kicked and restrained into. With that, he is promptly brought to containment, much like Harold Coff. The employees as all instantly relieved, expressing their gratitude that it was Jordon who suffered the fate of containment instead of them, a fate that was, by all means, warranted. There are also frantic talkings of lost family members, or other further enhanced possibly containment-induced delusions of these close ones suffering. AJHQ reminds you that they are now the owners of Tumblr and that every user has to follow the AJ rules constantly or they will explode! Woohoo!

Shrimp on the barbie! GO TO JAMAA TOWNSHIP TURN YOUR ANIMALS ALL PINK DANCE DANCE DANCE RIGHT NOW RIGHT NOW JAMMEROn the same note as that shitball, we are once again brought back to suspicious wisteria-filled simulations of his old life, in the real world having prominently started to grow logo. Jordon is also there, starting to both claw and- oh god- eat through the walls in spite of his seemingly "eased" state. Another entity residing in these rooms, although no one can identify who they are, begins hysterically posting about the effects of logo, typically through a "meme" format coinciding with the commentary that the juice- you guessed it- makes leaves.

Larry, who has Gotten Better after previously getting brutally attacked by Jordon, begins to resume his typical holiday endeavors by going down the list of suspects, as some need to keep up company cheers. As Christmas is about to hit, he goes around the basement yet again try his best to find something each person would individually enjoy. He also tries to find a gift for Anna, as he note she seems to be particularly down recently. To reward himself for his work, Larry tries to make himself a turkey, only to remember that the main source of nutrience the employees are allowed to consume is the Juice. Instead, he once again uses John's corpse to print himself a jpeg of a turkey instead.

Andrew, giving herself no introduction prior, begins posting Loose Clown emojis en masse out of nowhere, typically in threatening response to peoples asks. This is, until, one particular ask regarding FICTIONAL CHARACTER FROM TOBY FOX'S ""DELTARUNE"" JEVIL makes the woman snap, cursing off the anon and forging other insulting statements about her job and "layer." After her departure, Normal Human returns and apologizes, explaining she is their fellow coworker on the same level, and that they have recently been under heavy work pressure, before answering a few asks themself. Eric (WHERE THE FUCK HAS HE BEEN THIS ENTIRE TIME???) is a prick and gets his eating privileges removed again (this has happened before) leading him to throw a hissy fit and claiming BIGFOOT and... it's unimportant would never treat him like this before storming off to god knows where again.

Jordon breaks through the wall in his containment cell, still seemingly on the impression he is in a simulation, and into Harold's, who has simultaneously snapped out of his own fucked as hell state. He turns around to Jordon's hand on his back.

Intermission II / yeah i don't even know
On the almost horrifyingly empty fields where AJHQ stood, we are met with W-hoho. I'm going to be honest with you I don't even know what they do here they're probably just like exploring maybe? yeah after whatever fucking happens then, Harold and Jordon encounter the Logout Button, seemingly to, once and for all, escape the grasps of AJHQ. Before he can be freed, however, W-hoho manages the activate The Feral, which reconstructs the AJHQ building once more and brings all of those who managed to escape RIGHT back to its premises. We're back.... Again!

Over the dried up river and through what definitely cannot be considered the "woods" by any possible means, we return to AJHQ's business as usual with a head start. As yet another Fun Fact Sunday arises, a random irrelevant employee sits on a pile of pizza boxes as a suspicious amount of facts involving Bees start up, before a swarm of The Bees tragically kill our current host. SAD. Well, we can always appoint a new one. So, of course, nothing out of-

Sexybirds
From a distant land, we are met with the figure known as Finch. Although this land is no stranger to new arrivals, they seem to have an affinity for a certain... rectangle... Headed... 'OH GOD. NO. NO. NO. THE JAMMERS... THEY COULDN'T HAVE'

National Geographic's newly found HOT and SULTRY sexyman bod takes the Jammers by storm, drawing images his desirable form and even slandering OUR LORD AND SAVIOR Bigfoot's undeniable attractive features in the process. Also one of them drew Nat Geo with his coLife could be a nightmare, Jammers!

Meanwhile, at the National Geographic household, Nat Geo's two clone sons appear to have trouble adapting to their newly found parent, in spite of Finch's multiple efforts. Through this hesitance, Alistair, Finch's assistant, further attempts the close these awkward First Meeting wounds, to little success. Eventually this trainwreck ends in Gordon ????? and Barold just exiting himself from the situation completely, taking a "vacation" to AJHQ to get away from the family drama.

And speaking of vacations...

After a long, tiring business trip with our lord and savior Bigfoot, Eric comes back to his FAVORITE company in the whole wide world, excited to just simply relax, and see what his dearest, FAVORITE Jammers are posting about... Only to be completely mortified by what he finds. By mortified, we mean unspeakable fucking RAGE. Eric curses out the Jammers for their tasteless fucking views, for fucking betraying him when THEY KNOW he's AJHQ'S REAL FUCKING SEXYMAN, and NO ONE FUCKING ELSE IS. He speedruns all 5 stages of grief but seems to never get to acceptance, continuing to have a complete and utter meltdown by this discovery.

Normal Human wakes up from a terrible nightmare, involving, coincidentally, the Jamblr community becoming unimaginable horny for the EVIL bad terrible individual that is National Geographic. Although Finch replies attempting to keep them in the dark on this scenario, ff course, they quickly discover that this was, in fact, reality, responding in a combination of horror and shock. This does not devolve into full on screaming violence like a certain manager, although NH desperately attempts to persuade the Jammers to reconsider for just one moment, to think about how much Nat Geo has harmed AJHQ, even going so far as to say he is "A VEWY EVWIL MAN!! THWAT IS DWEFINITELY NOT SWEXY OF HWIM!" ... To no avail. This leads them to get into a low-stakes, brief confrontation with Finch, who directly insults The Boss and her methods, going so far as to call NH a coward. Normal Human is set off from this, describing the horrendous conditions that their "Layer" is put through, such as dealing with "mutations" and "infinite darkness." While clearly hurt, Normal Human still wishes for the safety of both Finch and the Jammers, praying with all their might that The Boss will not lash out in light of these events.

Before they can continue, however, Normal Human finds themself interrupted by a swarm of The Bees, clearly looking for another. NH panics, looking far and wide for a handy bottle of bleach, eventually managing to find, big shocker, exactly that. In a brief "comic", we seem them put the "bleach bomb" to good use. Through their victory, NH triumphantly exclaims "FWUCK the bees."

Returning to AJHQ'S specialist little meow meow, Eric has had plenty of time to process his emotions, leading him to one and only one conclusion that will solve this problem once and for all: Eric is going to FUCKING KILL National Geographic and NOBODY CAN STOP HIM. Except multiple people try to, first in the form of anons insulting him, calling him unsexy and the flattest man alive, which stirs his sexyman-related anger even more. Second, Finch contributes to this ridicule, calling Eric and his career choice utterly pathetic. Last in the line of defense is Normal Human, who begs Eric not to fight Nat Geo out of fear that he will, inevitably, get his ass kicked. Eric takes this as yet another source attempting to stir doubt, to slander his capabilities. Eric swears off all of these mockeries as to finalize his decision, pushing all uncertainty aside before storming off, claim that he wants to. Oh, don't worry, Jammers! It's clear Eric just wanted to murder that triangle-headed motherfucker instead! Clear difference, he's definitely not overheating in the slightest! With this, Normal Human is the last to express frustration at this, deciding he is not worth it in the first place.

As the nonexistent sun rises on the next day, Normal Human suddenly decides that they desire to ""move their office."" They express this it to meet new people as, once again, their "Layer" serves as an endless expanse devoid of nearly any life. Having little to their name, this is barely a challenge and are almost immediately met with a new, friendly leaf-covered face. ??, a bee who seems to be the backbone of AJHQ's entire IT field, is quick to be welcoming to NH, save for her flat, blunt way of speech. Through a bit of back and forth, Normal Human is able to convince her to room with them, leading to an unbreakable bond between #BESTIES. Also ?? gets several anons talking about how much they want to fuck her but that's aside the p

Closure
it being terminated

Beginnings
bad

The Rest
sucks. and it got abandoned so it needs no end section

PAJ-VTL
was a retelling, so there's not much of note, but you guys can put little extra tidbits and fun facts if y'want

Beginnings
DREAM SMP

The Rest
YEAHHHHH!! DIVORCE!!