PAJ

This is a page about the in-universe events, lore, story, and otherwise relevant information of PlayAnimalJam/PAJ as a media. If you are looking for the real life history of the blog(s), see here. If you are interested in AJHQ as a company, see here.

PlayAnimalJam is the story of AJHQ, a dubiously-well-intentioned company stationing itself all across America (and many other places, too!). Employees who enter their buildings never come back, but hey, that's just business, ain't it?

There's a lot to be known about what happens before the blog, but let's be honest, you can read the other pages to know that.

Beginnings
TheRealAJHQ began on April 13th 14th with a post introducing the audience to the Animal Jam employee known as Eric Gun AJHQ, explaining in a very brief message that those at AJHQ had decided to make a Tumblr account. In turn, many of the posts proceeding this consist of dubious claims about future Animal Jam updates, leaning toward a focus on primarily comedic and illogical posts in relation to said topic or other such things askers on the blog may have sent in. Out of these posts, there remains to be a few that manage to hold future importance, whether it be continuous threats about sending Jammers to The Hive, or a continuous stream of posts discussing the Iconic Cryptid by the name of  Bigfoot .

In the meantime, Eric also elaborates on his own purpose within the company, at first vaguely stating that he is a "cool guy who works at AJHQ", later adding that he mostly focus on answering questions, with the occasional original posts in between. Some of these posts include statements about his character of increasingly dubious validity, whether it be contradicting the blog's introductory post by claiming that he specifically made the account due to no longer being allowed on other platforms, or being the one to allow certain accursed words to get through Animal Jam's chat filter.

Finally, after a long while of dumbass posts, AJHQ does a completely 180, beginning their march towards solely posting about Bigfoot, much to the chagrin of the Jamblr community, and leading to...

The Bigfoot Discourse
The Bigfoot Discourse was a series of INCREDIBLY fiery and violent arguments regarding AJHQ's obsession with Bigfoot, and later, his addition to the game itself as a playable avatar. Many of these accusations included Bigfoot being a pointless and unfitting animal, even insinuating that the company seemingly had an obsession or fetish towards the ape (which would be quite ironic later on), so on and so forth. Most of these posts were responded to with astounding comebacks from the blog, such as "I'm going to ban your fucking account", "Bigfoot is a God", "Shut the fuck up" and "Have you ever seen Finding Bigfoot?" Professionalism at its finest, Jammer!

After hours of unrest and continuous arguing, AJHQ decides, in spite of their haters, to unveil the spectacular news to the beloved audience that Tumblr holds: Bigfoot is coming.

Thank god no actual discourse stemmed beyond that, right, Jammers?

...Right, Jammers?

The Rest
Cementing their presence into this new era of Animal Jam Funny, those at AJHQ celebrate this "victorious" feat in their copious amount of Bigfoot endeavors by posting about ABATONS! ABATONS! ABATONS! Are you excited!?!?!?!?!? YES!!!! BE EXCITED!!!!!!!

Of course, alongside this, there is the typical resumption of the Animal Jam News, with a side of fearing the entity known as Ap*rri, and worship of their dearest croc that does seem to hold a strange grasp upon the corporation as a whole. That probably doesn't mean anything, though. As the unfortunate Jammers continue to talk about fucking and sucking against each employee's will, mentions of The Hive increase by the second, with an implication that this fate is worse than death... But don't worry! As it turns out, Bigfoot is our lord and savior, so he'll surely keep us safe! I'm sure Eric can attest to th

After all these VERY normal and non-threatening posts, we are now introduced to yet another crucial facet to the blog's existence.... Fun Fact Sunday! All of these facts are COMPLETELY 100% accurate, and none of it is disconcerting in any way! Even if it DID mean that Eric has to keep turning off the askbox, in spite of desperate pleas from his favorite Jammers. It's okay, these actions are certainly for their betterment in the end! Much like AJHQ's attempts to murk their Instagram counterparts, from little to no success... Oh well. There's always next time! (Of which there will be many.)

At least, the employees are able to enjoy a cup of coffee, and ignore the existence of N*tional- God fucking damn it, Jammers, as it turns out, that bitch Jane is always breaking the fucking thing. Do you know how hard it is to enjoy a good ol' cup of coffee when it the coffee machine fucking broke again? Do you understand? Divorce.

Don't worry though. Eric is gay AND a thot! Plus, he can sure as hell eat a pear and AVOID TALKING ABOUT THE HIVE AND ITS CONSUMPTION RELATED ACTIVITIES. Wow! Awesome! Eric is such a good worker for AJHQ, after all!

With that, as a sudden turn of events, AJHQ's normal stupid cringe fail posts suddenly take undergo a shift in tone (which has never been a recurring theme), as a series of posts consist solely of "hey jammers" arise, followed by more out of nowhere Certified Hive/Death threats from seemingly Eric getting angry at the prospect of #doubles, and complaints about the coffee machine STILL FUCKING BREAKING DUE TO THAT FUCKING PRICK JANE.

4/20/18
But of course, 4/20 is a date that is filled with sin, Jammers! All is cut short when it is explicitly confirmed that "They" have arrived to the headquarters, with the pleading posts growing larger and much more drastic in amounts as employees begin directly begging the Jammers for help, even going to the extent of telling them to run for their lives. They also ask funny questions about monkeys!!!!! And a VERY specific and abusive type of bird!!!! YIPEEE!!!!!!!

All good things must come to an end, however, as AJHQ resumes their agonized wailing, implying that the employees themselves are being killed off en masse, and express that their beloved Jammers must stay safe and that they care about them. On one end, employees discover the end of their spouse, and on the other, employees ascend to a place beyond this plane known as "Animal Jam". The crocodile, previously trusted by all in AJHQ, begins mauling employees as well, sparking even more fear and outrage.

Through frightening, cryptic posts about beautiful heavens above, and finally becoming free from their shackles, it is revealed that, despite many anonymous Jammers assuming the chaos came from Instagram events, the reasoning behind this sudden influx of mass murder is simple:

 National Geographic has seized the building. 

...Talk about a rough divorce, huh, Jammers?

Followed by a brief "intermission" (SEE: spam of random fucking images), AJHQ returns insisting that they are fine and PEACHY-KEEN :), but their frantic speech returns, whether it be speaking more of death, staying safe, or posting song lyrics. The weight of Jane's stupid fucking corpse breaks the coffee machine, because even in her death, WE CAN'T HAVE OUR FUCKING COFFEE. National Geographic, due to this outcome, informs the Jammers they were unable to contain the employees, further suggesting that their attempts at capture were to exterminate these figures "once and for all."

The employees attempt to continue their escape, but instead inevitably liveblog the demises of both their pathetic carcasses AND those of their fellow workers, including the poor, poor Jambassadors...Julian2 is okay though, that sneaky fucking asshole ...As National Geographic furthers its complete takeover of the company, AJHQ once more tells the Jammers they love them and to stay safe, while still seemingly set on their own End Being Near.

With that, National Geographic begins to take the helm for posting, as AJHQ deserved their fate, shutting down any other Jammer's attempts at refuting their control in the process. AJHQ, through seemingly their final words, warns the Jammers of something greater, more powerful than Nat Geo to arrive... as per the addition of posts implying some strange relation to these events with THE BEE MOVIE GAME (as well as Nat Geo using a phrase correlated to a certain App Game character inside the tags), and more overtly detailed death posts. Blood and violence is important to any balanced breakfast!

National Geographic's reign couldn't last forever, however. As AJHQ stated themselves, a familiar entity arrives.

He's here.

Our lord and savior Bigfoot himself arrives, annihilating National Geographic in the process and, in turn, restoring the blog to its original state.

Most Jammers grow to accept Bigfoot as a generous being, letting him into their hearts, and letting peace spread across the land known as AJHQ. Everything is back to normal, right?...

Transfer to PlayAnimalJam
On one solemn night, AJHQ posts a few messages of concern, following the arrival of a new blog that, uncannily, looks to be the real, REAL Animal Jam Headquarters. Out of fear of their own... ahem. Termination, AJHQ stops posting, and leaves with a post that simply claims: "Better to die than be killed, Jammer." and proceeded to discontinue posting ever since.

...

...

...

...

...

But that isn't true, is it, Jammer?

PlayAnimalJam (2018-2019)*
' *AUTHOR'S NOTE. PlayAnimalJam, for reasons you are about to discover, is no longer accessible, even to those at our headquarters. Therefore, the following summaries may have points missing, less detailed areas, and even botched retellings. If you or your family still has remnants of this ""cringe shitty blog"", please send them over to the Aparrchives, ran by.... no... it can't be... NO ONO NO ONONO NONOONON N '

Beginnings
PlayAnimalJam, like any well behaved OFFICIAL AJHQ corporate account, typically reposted the same types of affairs as the many others across your common social media platforms, whether it be new silly pieces of registered Animal Jam Merch, Normal Updates, or other, less cool things. One fateful day, however, the Official AJHQ's postings turned their focus towards a brand new announcement, as was never seen before on any other opposing site. The news counted down faster ever faster, as it was said to arrive in an hour, then a half hour, then 15 minutes, then 5 more minutes, then 1 minute, then...



With that, everyone's FAVORITE AJHQ was back.

Once more, AJHQ returned to their typical style of posting, albeit forever tainted further with the ominous bearing of vehemence, whether it be their Croc killing a child, or other mentions of copious amounts of murder. Of course, as per any re-introduction of an Animal Themed Children's Game blog, Eric officially returns, once again reaffirming that he and his "pals" at AJHQ are the ones running the blog, and that they, in fact, missed the Jammers during their brief hiatus. HE'S ALSO ALIVE AND WELL AND EATING A BERRY BITCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! FUCK YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Shitballs
Business continues as usual in AJHQ, with their coffee machine still breaking every two seconds, and...

While at first it seems that a fit over their coffee machine being FUCKING broken has yet again occurred, in actuality, it revealed that their coffee machine has transformed back into a human and is currently trying to throttle them all. After subsequent confusion from the coffee machine and insistence of his own humanity, the man announces that he is "not a coffee machine, and his name is H-" before being promptly transformed to his coffee-maker state. Weird! But not important. Anyways, back to Eric.

As more Jammers flock to Eric and ask him so so many awesome and cool questions, he happily takes upon the opportunity to talk about himself and strictly encourages increasing compliments to his general direction. Though most of his claims continue to be up in the air or downright obvious lies, Eric particularly informs the audience that he is a certified GUN ENJOYER, that of which being the same item he changed his last name to (Eric GUN AJHQ), and he is married to a man named Merriam, but seems to be otherwise utterly uninterested in talking about their relationship, other than the fact that, apparently, no one came to their wedding. He later comments this is because he purposely didn't invite anyone. Other posts imply the existence of another figure that Eric may be in close contact with, one who seems to hate AJHQ itself, but lol he's probably just saying bullshit just dudes being dudes!

Between the statements of Eric and of other employees, knowledge about the coffee machine is Somewhat provided. We learn that the coffee machine entity was once known as Harold Coff (although he is EXPLICITLY not allowed to be mentioned by name!), being punished within his coffee prison for attempting to prank his fellow coworkers by naming the deeply important Animal Jam game files such INSULTING phrases such as "shitballs" and "minionballs".

By extension, this practical joke seemed to be prompted by Eric calling him the dreaded nickname of "shitball" as some way of belittling him. When questioned about this, Eric jumps to defend himself immediately and claims the Jammers are harassing him, before going on to state that Harold doesn't matter when he's the REAL Tumblr Sexyman. He even makes a Poll to prove it!.....Which Harold wins, leading Eric to immediately insult the Jammers and threaten to send them to The Hive over it once more. Of course, he still gets Employee of the Month as he always does, because Eric is the best Animal Jam employee to exist!

On the other side of things, your average AJHQ employees go about their day by ordering fun items from the Silly Old Mailmen (WHORES), who consequently die in their attempts to deliver packages; after all, any human who enters the outer perimeter of AJHQ has a 50% chance of being killed off in the most brutal and horrific ways possible...hence why a majority of employees try not to enter or leave. Not that it matters, anyhow—a significant amount of workers at AJHQ aren't even human in the first place! Also the Croc is definitely their boss and legally owns all their souls. Typical business practices at work!

Meanwhile, as Harold the Coffee Machine breaks yet again in his form of horrible coffee stasis, the employees are put up enough to the point of throwing him out into the Ashlands their building resides in, where he is soon found by..... '[https://aparrchives.tumblr.com/post/679930062585348096 No.. It can't be.....]' As this occurs, AJHQ looks to find a new coffee machine, and settles on Jane who, as it turns out, was Harold's wife, and her long past of breaking coffee machines was (rather depressingly) an attempt at freeing her husband from his prison. #Tragiccore, Jammers!

BUT THAT DOESN'T MATTER! Who actually CARES about divorce when you've got ERIC! Clearly, that dreadful topic is something that doesn't even remotely affect him OR his happy marriage! Eric resumes more of his posting about himself and insisting on his attractive and awesome and cool qualities, although he seems to avoid directly revealing his appearance aside from stock photos and other lousy descriptions, typical including his association with candles or.... birds?

Eric's fucked up monologues told seemingly exclusively to himself persist, which a janitor, John, eventually takes notice of. John comments on how fucking bonkers these behaviors are, all the while he is cleaning up another body in the breakroom. His paranoia over the topic persists, eventually going on a long rant on how No One Talks About Eric, and that, through each of his very actions, the janitor comes to the conclusion that... Eric cannot be something that is human by any means. He is, undeniably, a Robot. Eric, as if he were summoned by the mere mention of his name, tells John to get back to work. AND NO, BEFORE YOU FUCKING ASK, HE IS NOT LANKY KONG, AND HE NEVER WILL BE, JAMMERS.

Harold learns the truth from National Geographic.

The employees at AJHQ don't notice that their old coffee machine has returned to its original premises.

Eric attempts to enter the breakroom and gets water-Mr. Bucket pranked at the door, instantly electrocuting him. This is shown to be an evil plot by John, who was SOMEHOW correct in that belief that, yes, Eric is a robot. However, seconds before Mr. Gun's circuitry is completely fried, Eric manages to turn the poor janitor into a printer, adding him to the ever-growing list of employees NO ONE at AJHQ can talk about ever. Everyone knew Eric was a robot, anyways! John was obviously so, SO jealous.

Ergo, Eric temporarily goes out of commission, a matter that Susan, yet another janitor tasked upon cleaning up the mess, unfortunately wanders in on. As Eric is in the rice-bath, she sees a long, suspicious trail of blood leaving his chest cavity and trailing into the dreaded AJHQ basement. Here, she discovers a group of what appears to be several sentient talking birds, being directed by a single Luzon Bleeding Heart Dove with a bloody stick, for some fucking reason. Upon being alerted by her arrival, this bird says a single, wise word.... *they cussed on regular show voice* bitch. He orders his comrades, a group by the name of The Blood Desirers, to descend from the vents above... Only to bonk her on the head with a comically large baseball bat and lock her in the basement. This freak of a bird himself retreats back to Eric's body, who reboots just in time, expressing some small shred of gratitude over the bird's return before resuming his own work. History says they were best friends, Jammer!

When going to check up on how their wonderful Crocodile boss is doing, the AJHQ employees quickly discover that it has started laying eggs. Just absolutely fucking everywhere, making a huge mess and shit, it's a complete goddamn nightmare. On memorial day of all things, too? God, you've got to be kidding me, Jammers. Between the copious amounts of egg terror from the poor workers, and Eric's incredibly insightful commentary of "https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t3vkEYHTcC0", everyone is having a miserable time amongst these goofy antics! Nagito Komaeda, another janitor at AJHQ, returns from his shift and is met with complete and utter horror. While the most important of AJHQ's managers have a discussion for how to cure these silly occurrences, the front door to the office breaks down...

Harold, with a glock in hand and National Geographic by his side, begins his act of revenge on AJHQ by absolutely shooting the fuck out of every single employee he sees. Just violently tearing them apart. It's impossible to look away and yet so horrible to watch. This murder devolves into full on using the corpses of employees as clothing, and drinking their blood in addendum. Yeesh! Eric, who hears about all this violent murdering going on, promptly attempts to bring himself down towards the chaos to watch it happen by the sidelines help the poor innocent employees who are currently getting their shit wrecked, before he sadly misses the wet floor sign nearby and slips on a conveniently placed pile of egg yolks from the aforementioned laying event. Naturally, he eats shit, dying on impact (Coincidentally, his death position seems to automatically be a t-pose. Funny!) His loser of a bird friend, not about to miss the actions, decides it is best to completely abandon his freak of a robot comrade, once again calling the Blood Desirers to aid his side in the process.

Luckily, Harold kills more people, and in the ONLY TIME HE APPEARS ON THE ORIGINAL BLOG, Eric's husband (at that current point), Merriam, encounters the bird while trying to evade Harold's one hell of a raid. Harold, in the background, announces normal person phrases like "You fools. Who's the shitball now" and kills another random guy. The bird, WHO WE ARE STILL HAVING TO AVOID USING THE NAME OF BECAUSE HE LITERALLY NEVER MENTIONS IT UNTIL LATER, calls dear engineer Merriam over, praising how entertaining the mass-death experience is, and that it is (EXACT WORDS ON BLOG) "like a comedy movie except it's free!" Merriam's like (not exact words on blog) "literally what does that even mean. who says that. what's your issue." The dove gets upset over this reply and crytypes before fucking off, most likely to forcefully insert himself further into the action, something he'll come to do many times again.

By "inserting himself into the action," this means he manages to FINDING NATIONAL GEOGRAPHIC, who has been taking its sweet time with murdering this time around due to the "eagerness" of its accomplice. The dove bites the absolute fuck out of Nat Geo, who proceeds go limp. This number one cringe compilation of a bird is quick to take this as a success in killing him, gloating about it while he seeks to find Harold next, beginning to proclaim his status as a God among Jammers, more powerful than Nat Geo will ever be. Susie, an intern trying to escape the chaos, catches word of the bird incredibly loudly and obnoxiously monologuing to himself about his intentions on overthrowing AJHQ, and she quietly pursues him until a standstill is met between the funny bird and Harold in the middle of a hallway.

Upon walking in on the scene, Harold seems to have murdered The Boss of AJHQ itself, but instead discovers that the crocodile was never a living entity at all, instead being a false idol/robot/hologram/you get the idea. As Harold remarks on this utterly shocking discovery, he turns and sees the dove, annoyed by the constant interruptions of his spite-fueled murder spree. The bird FINALLY announces himself as Leonardo Akuma, going on more god-laden rants that result in he and the shitball Harold arguing with one another.

If that wasn't bad enough, Leo further stresses Harold the fuck out by convincing him that, yes, the bird murdered Nat Geo himself, causing the shitball to be, dreadfully... ALONE. Susie attempts to persuade Leo into not trying any shit, because one of them has a gun and the other is like. A bird (evidently not a bird at this point, but still much less tough than a firearm). Leonardo continues spewing his empty threats and re-establishing of his position as a God. This freaks Harold the fuck out even further, to the point where he resorts to begging Leo for mercy. Susie and the other small gathering of bystanders watch the petty fight from the sidelines, if you can ever call the scuffle such a thing, gawking at the shitball's instantaneous turn to a pathetic whelp.

This persists until our lord and savior, Bigfoot, approaches the scene.

Leonardo heads out as SOON as possible, per not wanting to get roped up in whatever the hell the ape is about to pull, with Susie subtly making her own exit as well. Bigfoot approaches Harold, and although the coffee machine first shows aggression, it is evident that Bigfoot has no intention to hurt the man. In fact, he tells Harold that he forgives him, opening his arms for an embrace. Harold, surprised, accepts. Through this action, Bigfoot says that he is aware that while Harold is great, the employees at AJHQ still need their coffee, and before Harold can protest, turns him back into an inanimate object once more.

We cut back to National Geographic itself one more time. Though obviously alive (no sad, small bird creature can take down a REAL god among men), he is left disappointed at the fate of his accomplice, choosing to make his return back to Nat Geo Headquarters...for now.

As the curtains close on this climactic ending scene, it is shown that all these events were being observed from afar by the REAL AND TRUE Boss of AJHQ. As it zooms out to an image of her desk, her identity is revealed to be...

Spot from the hit mobile app, Dash Tag.

She sips her coffee, commenting that it "tastes like justice," concluding the Shitballs arc.

Intermission I / 7-11-18
Thank god THAT'S over, huh, Jammers? With employees returning to their typical routine of dying at random intervals, and our incredibly Normal PR Managers mumbling to themselves about the 6th of June and killing their Boss/Fellow Employees alongside their bird-boy-best-friend, AJHQ completely ignored any acknowledgement or consideration of what just happened a few days ago, and continued to make MORE hilarious and comedic posts about the Jamming. And the Animals. I really don't know what you expected, Jammers!

During some of these posts, we hear back from Eric when he isn't doing suspicious activities in his free time, such as not actually doing his job...on that note, his job remains incredibly vague, seeing as he goes to check on the living, physical apparatus's in a permanent state of torment known as the "Alphas." This includes iconic hilarious character PECK, who draws quite a silly image of ICONIC MEME Loss dot jpg, that of which Eric curses her over. Then, he *downs several pounds of birdseed at once*. Exciting content!

You know what's even MORE exciting, Jammers? That's right, SPONSORSHIP DEALS. And what better brand to be sponsored by than the great- oh, what's that? We're not allowed to name him? Goddammit, this is why you can't trust rats, Jammers. In a series of quite overtly annoying messages towards a certain blog formerly under the theming of a specific company (ran by a very specific MOUSE), through the month of July, the topic of the MOST IMPORTANT HOLIDAY 7/11 comes to mind. After these many desperate requests for sponsorship are ignored, one fateful day AJHQ's shitty furry prayers are finally answered... But this does not satisfy the children's game company, and they continue their pretentious posts about fighting the mouse face to face, with more asks to be sent and bluffing to be found.

AJHQ employees not involved in the fighting discuss these trivial matters, and even certain Managers attempt to dispel such comments, only for the opposing force to quickly provide virgin-adjacent accusations, a mortifying matter for manwhores worldwide. In the safety of AJHQ's own blog, Mr. Gun allows himself to make incredibly normal and average posts suggesting his current conditions towards these matters. Others pray tell of The Animal Jams Alphas React to You Announcing You’re Pregreant, or [https://aparrchives.tumblr.com/post/679926718380851200/playanimaljam-namiratesquared oh good fucking god why the hell is Nagito Komaeda on the blog again. and why is he mentioning...] Ahem. Anyways, this encounter ends with one concluding word of advice, that AJHQ makes sure to follow until the day their atoms explode and kill everyone in the nearest vicinity... It seemed to work out in the end, because they managed to get an influx of over 100 followers in one night. Yahoo!

Additionally, Susie and her fellow intern, Scott, also make their return, going to the gas station chain 7-11 in celebration of Free Slurpee Day. This is for naught, because Scott doesn't even like slurpees. What a cunt! scrooge mcduck

Other Jammers commit fun activities, such as getting into kindrama, or making highly requested moodboards. During times such as these, AJHQ makes sure to post helpful advice to their platform as they always do!

Who Did This / Juice Makes Leaves / Plant Life Cycle / That time AJHQ Spammed the Veggietales tag on accident / Some other ones probably
Following this, we are introduced to yet another manager, Jordon. He probably does some shit, having some sort of relevant job, but fuck if we know what that is! Like Eric, the specifics of being a "manager" are left entirely unspoken of for dear old Jordon. Despite this, he tries to maintain some semblance of normalcy while completing various tasks...HA! What a freak!

Meanwhile, we hear again from Harold..... uh, kinda. He seems to be now trapped in a strange, wisteria covered plane... Which is none other than AJHQ's Containment, a series of rooms where only the worst and most misbehaved of workers are sent to...get rehabilitated. The worst employees deserve only punishments of an equal level, Jammers! At least he's able to post about Minecr- wait....

Harold doesn't fucking know what that even is. Worst of all, a strange figure seems to be in his room, who is- oh well, they jumped out of the window, so it sure as hell can't matter to us now. One of the janitors (unspecified, you decide!) cleans up even more bodies that randomly appear, manifesting despite the clear lack of murders going on. Harold laments about rotting away in his Containment prison, UNTIL... THE FIGURE RETURNS, soon introducing himself as... Ahem.

''"Hi my name is Barold T. National Geographic Blonde Harold and I have short tea blonde hair (that’s how I got my name) with cream streaks and red tips that reaches my mid-neck and evil yellow eyes like the national geographic logo and a lot of people tell me I look like Harold Coff (AN: if u don’t know who he is get da hell out of here!). I’m not related to the janitor but I wish I was because he’s a major fucking hottie. I’m a vampire but my teeth are straight and white. I have pale white skin. I’m also a clone, and I work at a magic company called National Geographic in some sort of inbetween realms place where I’m in the first year (I was just born). I’m a goth (in case you couldn’t tell) and I wear mostly black. I love National Geographic and I buy all my clothes from there. For example today I was wearing a black corset with matching lace around it and a black leather miniskirt, pink fishnets and black combat boots. I was wearing black lipstick, white foundation, black eyeliner and red eye shadow. I was walking outside National Geographic. It was snowing and raining ash so there was no sun, which I was very happy about. A lot of AJHQ employees stared at me. I put up my middle finger at them."''

After this gorgeous opening line, he vanishes, once again leaving into the darkness of AJHQ. Helpful! We briefly get back to Jordon, as he runs into piles of suspicious blue feathers scattered around the (DESIGNATED MANAGERS ONLY, MIND YOU) breakroom. When searching for someone to clean up the unsightly mess, he is shocked by the sudden influx of Non-Animal Jam gaming being posted onto the blog, panicking at the sight. He also loses his arms during this and we honestly don't remember why. It just kinda happened.

...When the blog reaches 300 followers, however, the employees began to celebrate this feat by commemorating the company's UNIVERSALLY BELOVED fish, Fluffy, the producer of The Juice! This is because Fluffy measures, to be exact, 300 centimeters. When attempting to show the Jammers this exact height in person, the employees quick discover horrible, downright disastrous news.... Fluffy the fish has been BRUTALLY MURDERED, being taped to the ceiling and dying of suffocation in the process. There's also a Boobah floating in his pond water???????Okay.

As everyone is completely fucking devastated by this, they quickly commence the investigation, bringing out a list of SUSPECTS to who Fluffy's horrible killer could be. This includes Henry the consumer, hungering deeply for souls; Rachel, always calling the wrong numbers due to Fluffy's overwhelming telepathic ability; Mary, infuriated that no one would drink her punch as preference for The Juice; Chris, always seen looking for various amounts of adhesives; David, honestly who even gives a shit about him; Jordon, because he's cringe and hating your manager is cool; and Diane, who JGGDFFDFGFjhHEHJRHJRHRHGRHJRHRJEHKRKRKKJKKKKJRRRRR

Meanwhile, through a series of anons (shown on the side,) a young girl is shown to be taken to the alternative realm of AJHQ, known specifically as Anna. You can just read that here it's better than just unnecessarily summarizing it in words <3

In that time, AJHQ shares some SICK gardening tips! That's literally it. As these gardening posts progress into more horrifying spirals and ramblings-on about Forever being trapped in The Suit, it is soon to be found out that these are all made AJHQ's registered disgusting beast, Brady Barr, who must be contained in..."The Suit" (don't ask what that is or implies) at all times because his power is INCREDIBLY UNMATCHED BY ANY. He also turns people into fruits and vegetables as revenge... Typical Earthaboo behavior. Eyeroll!

Speaking of assholes who use the company account to post about dumb shit, around THIS time begins the introduction of Normal Human, an employee who types in exclusively the ye olde trend of "OwOspeak" and emoticons, noting some accursed hive-related implications of their placement in the company and proceeding to claim "Thwey wont kweep us cwotwained hwewe fowevwer!" Also I guess one of the computers comes alive at some point during Fun Fact Sunday but like whatever

After even more silence, the dear, gothic Barold (REMEMBER HIM?) FINALLY comes back the company, gets scared shitless by the massive swarms of ladybugs, and leaves again. Sometime during this, National Geographic decides to take care of things himself. When Jordon is caught unaware, National Geographic kidnaps him and drags the man across the Ashlands. Much like Harold, he is taken into NGHQ itself.

It's unclear what happens here, but employees begin to become annoyed at the disappearance of Jordon (he is their manager, even if they all hate his stupidass), seeing as none of his tasks (unspecified) are getting done proper. When further questioning this out loud, the answers to their prayers soon arise as Gordon, who is definitely Jordon and not anyone else, arrives to the company to take that freak of a boy's place. Therefore, Gordon attempts to avoid suspicion by resuming Jordon's jobs, but, much like Barold, gets frightened by the influx of ladybugs that cover the premises and runs off.

Fortunately, this does not mean that the company remains to be without a clearly important employee for much longer. As it turns out, Jordon drags himself back to AJHQ by himself, albeit with his logo-face blatantly torn off and just... Well, absolutely wrecked to shit, Jammers! We cut briefly back to Harold, who is now experiencing the various amounts of horrible simulated hallucinations of containment, typically including his wife Jane and certain low budget independent film projects that may include words such as "The" or "Room."

Needing someone to watch over him as his logo semi-fails to grow back, Larry, a guy who does...does it even matter, is appointed to keep Jordon under his watch. He seems to be somewhat fucking terrible at this, even acknowledging this himself, being too frightened to directly interact with the injured employee...(this is likely because he keeps growling and snarling). At most, he briefly wanders in and attributes to him items such as a cup of coffee or a blanket, but keeps interactions to a minimum, especially when Jordon becomes immobile at multiple points, although still holding some remnant of being alive as he attempts to lash out at the poor man on several occasions.

Sticking to his promise, he stays in the basement floor while still attempting to commit to his own average activities, whether it be gawking at John's non-functioning printer corpse or making a pie for his fellow employees. It is revealed that one of Larry's few traits is an affinity for the holidays, and he attempts to cheer Jordon's mood by including him in the designated Wolfenoot celebrations, only to be ferociously attacked by Jordon without mercy. Jordon now takes this as an opportunity to fully escape, now mauling and tearing apart any employee that lays in his path, much to the shock of those with enough woe to have encountered him at this point. Other employees nonchalantly acknowledge Jordon's sudden murderous tendencies as a regular occurrence, letting his Hellmode raid continue.

That is until one of the employees apologizes to the manager properly, attempting to calm him down through reassurance that they definitely did care about his disappearance and were actively both look AND concerned about him. As Jordon is distracted, a guitar stand is set up near him, which he is quickly kicked and restrained into. With that, he is promptly brought to Containment, much like our dear sweet Harold Coff. The employees as all instantly relieved, expressing their gratitude that it was Jordon who suffered the fate of Containment instead of them, a fate that was, by all means, warranted. There are also frantic mentions of lost family members, or other potentially Containment-induced delusions of these loved ones suffering. AJHQ reminds you that they are now the owners of Tumblr and that every user has to follow the AJ rules constantly or they will explode! Woohoo!

Shrimp on the barbie! GO TO JAMAA TOWNSHIP TURN YOUR ANIMALS ALL PINK DANCE DANCE DANCE RIGHT NOW RIGHT NOW JAMMEROn the same note as the shitball's previous entrance, we are once again brought back to the wisteria-filled simulations of his old life, Harold himself beginning to grow even more Logo.. Jordon is also there, starting to both claw and- oh god- tear through the walls in spite of his seemingly "eased" state. Another entity residing in these rooms, although no one can identify who they are, begins hysterically posting about the effects of logo, typically through a "meme" format coinciding with the commentary that the juice—you guessed it—makes leaves.

Larry, who has Gotten Better after previously getting brutally attacked by Jordon, begins to resume his typical holiday endeavors by going down the list of suspects, as some need to keep up company cheers. As Christmas is about to hit, he goes around the basement yet again try his best to find something each person would individually enjoy. He also tries to find a gift for Anna, as he notices that she seems to be particularly down recently. To reward himself for his work, Larry tries to make himself a turkey, only to remember that the main source of nutrients the employees are allowed to consume is the Juice. Instead, he once again uses John's corpse to print himself a jpeg of a turkey instead.

Andrew, giving herself no introduction prior, begins posting Loose Clown emojis out of nowhere, typically in threatening response to peoples asks. This is, until, one particular ask regarding FICTIONAL CHARACTER FROM TOBY FOX'S ""DELTARUNE"" JEVIL makes the woman snap, cursing out the anon and forging other insulting statements about her job and "layer." After her departure, Normal Human returns and apologizes, explaining she is their fellow coworker on the same level, and that they have recently been under heavy work pressure, before answering a few asks themself.

Eric (WHERE THE FUCK HAS HE BEEN THIS ENTIRE TIME???) is a prick and gets his eating privileges removed again (this has happened before), leading him to throw a hissy fit and claiming BIGFOOT and... it's unimportant, would never treat him like this before storming off to god knows where again.

Jordon breaks through the wall in his containment cell, still seemingly under the impression he is in a simulation, and into Harold's, who has snapped out of his own delusional state just in time. He turns around to Jordon's hand on his back...and it's time for them to make their escape.

Intermission II / yeah i don't even know
On the beautifully empty fields where AJHQ stands, we are met with a long, slender, arctic-wolf-esque creature that introduces itself as W-hoho. Monologuing about the wonders of it all, exploring the natural land outside AJHQ, it helps guide the escaped Harold and Jordon away from their broken containment windows and into the depths. They part ways, just in time for...

Harold and Jordon discover THE LOGOUT BUTTON, a device that would let them both finally escape the horrible clutches of AJHQ. They face each other, knowing that they'll most likely never see each other again, and prepare to free themselves at last...RIGHT AS W-HOHO STUMBLES UPON THE FERAL, a DIFFERENT and even WORSE device that reconstructs and fixes the broken AJHQ building, sending all employees back inside and returning all those terrible escapees. Sorry, Harold! We're BACK! AGAIN!

Across a dried-up river and through dead and burnt trees, we return to AJHQ's business as usual. After all, it's Fun Fact Sunday AGAIN, Jammers! A random and probably irrelevant employee spits out fun facts and sits on a pile of pizza boxes. Unlucky for him, though, all these facts involve BEES! A swarm of sudden BEES emerging, killing the current host where he stands. SAD. Oh well we can always appoint a new one. Nothing out of the ordinary there! :)

Sexybirds
From a distant land, we are met with the figure known as Finch. Although this land is no stranger to new arrivals, they seem to have an affinity for a certain... rectangle... Headed... 'OH GOD. NO. NO. NO. THE JAMMERS... THEY COULDN'T HAVE'

National Geographic's newly found HOT and SULTRY sexyman bod takes the Jammers by storm, drawing images his desirable form and even slandering OUR LORD AND SAVIOR Bigfoot's undeniable attractive features in the process. Also one of them drew Nat Geo with his coLife could be a nightmare, Jammers!

Meanwhile, at the National Geographic household, Nat Geo's two clone sons appear to have trouble adapting to their newly found parent, in spite of Finch's multiple efforts. Through this hesitance, Alistair, Finch's assistant, further attempts the close these awkward First Meeting wounds, to little success. Eventually this trainwreck ends in Gordon ????? and Barold just exiting himself from the situation completely, taking a "vacation" to AJHQ to get away from the family drama.

And speaking of vacations...

After a long, tiring business trip with our lord and savior Bigfoot, Eric comes back to his FAVORITE company in the whole wide world, excited to just simply relax, and see what his dearest, FAVORITE Jammers are posting about... Only to be completely mortified by what he finds. By mortified, we mean unspeakable fucking RAGE. Eric curses out the Jammers for their tasteless fucking views, for fucking betraying him when THEY KNOW he's AJHQ'S REAL FUCKING SEXYMAN, and NO ONE FUCKING ELSE IS. He speedruns all 5 stages of grief but seems to never get to acceptance, continuing to have a complete and utter meltdown by this discovery.

Normal Human wakes up from a terrible nightmare, involving, coincidentally, the Jamblr community becoming unimaginable horny for the EVIL bad terrible individual that is National Geographic. Although Finch replies attempting to keep them in the dark on this scenario, ff course, they quickly discover that this was, in fact, reality, responding in a combination of horror and shock. This does not devolve into full on screaming violence like a certain manager, although NH desperately attempts to persuade the Jammers to reconsider for just one moment, to think about how much Nat Geo has harmed AJHQ, even going so far as to say he is "A VEWY EVWIL MAN!! THWAT IS DWEFINITELY NOT SWEXY OF HWIM!" ... To no avail. This leads them to get into a low-stakes, brief confrontation with Finch, who directly insults The Boss and her methods, going so far as to call NH a coward. Normal Human is set off from this, describing the horrendous conditions that their "Layer" is put through, such as dealing with "mutations" and "infinite darkness." While clearly hurt, Normal Human still wishes for the safety of both Finch and the Jammers, praying with all their might that The Boss will not lash out in light of these events.

Before they can continue, however, Normal Human finds themself interrupted by a swarm of The Bees, clearly looking for another. NH panics, looking far and wide for a handy bottle of bleach, eventually managing to find, big shocker, exactly that. In a brief "comic", we seem them put the "bleach bomb" to good use. Through their victory, NH triumphantly exclaims "FWUCK the bees."

Returning to AJHQ'S specialist little meow meow, Eric has had plenty of time to process his emotions, leading him to one and only one conclusion that will solve this problem once and for all: Eric is going to FUCKING KILL National Geographic and NOBODY CAN STOP HIM. Except multiple people try to, first in the form of anons insulting him, calling him unsexy and the flattest man alive, which stirs his sexyman-related anger even more. Second, Finch contributes to this ridicule, calling Eric and his career choice utterly pathetic. Last in the line of defense is Normal Human, who begs Eric not to fight Nat Geo out of fear that he will, inevitably, get his ass kicked. Eric takes this as yet another source attempting to stir doubt, to slander his capabilities. Eric swears off all of these mockeries as to finalize his decision, pushing all uncertainty aside before storming off, claim that he wants to. Oh, don't worry, Jammers! It's clear Eric just wanted to murder that triangle-headed motherfucker instead! Clear difference, he's definitely not overheating in the slightest! With this, Normal Human is the last to express frustration at this, deciding he is not worth it in the first place.

As the nonexistent sun rises on the next day, Normal Human suddenly decides that they desire to ""move their office."" They express this it to meet new people as, once again, their "Layer" serves as an endless expanse devoid of nearly any life. Having little to their name, this is barely a challenge and are almost immediately met with a new, friendly leaf-covered face. ??, a bee who seems to be the backbone of AJHQ's entire IT field, is quick to be welcoming to NH, save for her flat, blunt way of speech. Through a bit of back and forth, Normal Human is able to convince her to room with them, leading to an unbreakable bond between #BESTIES. Also ?? gets several anons talking about how much they want to fuck her..

Something that Eric, who is on the other side of the Ashlands in the middle of the fucking night at this point, picks up on, furthering his rage on the matter. However, Eric cannot be bothered in chasing after the Hip new trends as the madman managed to successfully reach his destination: National Geographic Headquarters.

Although the halls of NGHQ are rather empty, tensions are high as ever. Although it is clear that a certain someone has been alerted of his presence, the only thing that indicates him of such is the distant shuffling of feet and, eventually, knocking shit over. No matter how hard we try, absolutely nobody knows what specifically this adversary is wrecking, considering it is his own building and all. Perhaps it was some fine pottery, or a nice cup of coffee. Whatever it is, it is enough to push Eric to finally announce himself. Yet... No dice. Not a very talkative day for this rectangle man, apparently. Even further frustrated, he calls out to Nat Geo to stop being a coward, to fucking come out and face him, once and for all. It is only then that National Geographic makes his (slightly awkward) entrance, baffled by Eric's gall to challenge him in the first place. He attempts to dissuade this weirdo from proceeding any further, seeing it as a fruitless endeavor and a waste of each respective person's time. Although Eric continues to snap back at the all-powerful entity for his "sexyman-stealing theivery", it is clear that Nat Geo holds no interest in actually harming nor humoring this weird freak who came into his house and started yelling at him out of fucking nowhere.

Eric is held in a mortified silence, being heckled by the very man who took HIS well deserved role. His lack of action seems to indicate his choice to turn back, yet the blind rage that buzzes in his circuits only flares further. Right as National Geographic takes his chance to leave, growing tired of this ordeal, Eric pulls the trigger of his harpoon gun, and-

 click. 

 BANG. 

Nat Geo falls to the floor, knocked directly off his feet from the shot, let alone the shock. Before he or Eric can get another word in, the latter fully begins unloading his ridiculous amount of firearms upon him, grabbing glock after conveniently brought glock from his pockets and going absolutely fucking ham. This is why constantly wearing a huge jacket has its benefits, Jammers! With all that absolutely ridiculous amount of preparation paying off, National Geographic does not say another word. Eric, for all intents and purposes, had fucking done it. He had become the sexiest, most attractive man in the entirety of PAJ. Anons speak with distaste and horror, yet none of them inflict a single cent of remorse in Eric's heart. Nevertheless, whether it be the bird in his heart, the pure amount of ecstasy over his success, or an anon saying they are "sexyer," Eric near immediately bluescreens, rendering his body inanimate. Right next to the crumbling ashes of what once was National Geographic itself, no less.

As we, metaphorically, fade to black, we are given one last message on the flip-side, delivered by Douglass Carrey... Regarding an all too familiar entity. Perhaps, even, an all too familiar phrase.

IT'S FUN FACT SUNDAY, JAMMERS! Joyous day! But not really, since not a single Jammer particularly enjoys it, by the looks. After our last host died, we are introduced to a new... Huh! As it turns out, this person isn't new at all, let alone a person. Our dearest clown Andrew makes her return, although under a significantly calmer disposition. She is much more talkative in comparison to the classic Loose Clown emoticons, instead answering people's questions like a normal person. Some of the questions just so happen to go toward herself, to which Andrew finally explains what the wretched place she and her employees such a NH and ?? reside in is.

That being none other than Layer 13, one of the remaining inhabitable places before reaching the point of those too far gone, those no longer recognizable of Things of Our World, the.. the.. the.....

Ergo, it is further revealed that this place has become a hotspot for employees of a specific nature... A nature so disgusting, so despicable, The Boss felt nauseated to even be in the same presence as them, with the only course of action being to banish them to wither away-

Layer 13 is squirming with the far and few fans of the webcomic H*mestuck, who had the nerve to survive, to thrive in close proximity to the Hive. At least they still do their jobs. And Andrew's job is, of course, to host Fun Fact Sunday! And what a better topic to start out with than cats? Y'know, like, Nya!

Of course, some of our listeners are more adverse to Fun Fact Sunday than others. Another L13er stops Andrew dead in her tracks, known as none other than AAAAAAAAAAAA, (twelve As, specifically,) with complaints far and wide for every employee in AJHQ to hear just about how much he fucking hates Fun Fact Sunday, starting an argument that.. Well, you can just read it here. Pretty self explanatory from there. Exasperated as everyone else, Andrew thoroughly apologies to the Jammers before making her own swift, thoroughly embarrassed exit.

Back to teenagers who are not at ALL from AJHQ, Barold attempts to traverse the incomprehensible halls of Animal Jam Headquarters, and NO, he is NOT lost, so STOP fucking suggesting he is!!! Then, as if things could not get worse with Barold's no good very bad month, with a creak and a snap- Barold hears something from the vents... Or was it the floorboards? Whatever it is, it grabs his leg, and promptly attempts a mad chase after his ass. He trips, no-clipping directly through the wall into a completely unrecognizable room. Whoops!

Speaking of the month, did you know that it's June? Or something like that, the passage of time comes a slurry in this place LOL! Of course, June means Father's Day, so Larry, the registered holidays guy in case you forgot his lowly, worthless job, searches far and wide into his juicy brain to bring out a List of Fathers he knows in the world. Is that Eric guy a father? Ah... No. If he had a kid, he'd feel sorry for them, at this rate. Haro- Wait, no, that's right. Does he even have a child? He hopes he doesn't. But... but... Oh, yes. National Geographic clearly has his weird freak clones, those are his children, right? He got married too. That's a pretty "Father" moment right there. Larry uses his special not-at-all stolen baking crafts to create a makeshift cakes that, honestly, looks more like a cinder-block than anything. He manages to travel across the ashlands at a pace that is worryingly 10x quicker than what Eric managed previously, reaching NGHQ just in time to give that lousy rectangle a piece of his mind. His mind being a cake. Get it? God, okay, whatever.

Larry, of course, immediately figures out that National Geographic is fucking dead. Oh, Eric's there too, but who gives a fuck about him? He proceeds to be increasingly apathetic about this situation, nonchalantly dropping of the cake before heading right back to the office. However, at the arrival of cake, Gordon's listening to the audiobook of Franz Kafka's "The Metamorphosis" with the audio at max volume is interrupted by the smell of the classic "dinners meal," prompting him to investigate. Gordon then learns the consequences of irreversible ear damage, as he finds that his father has been fatally diagnosed with "Dead as Hell" syndrome. Gordon begins fucking losing it, to the point of entering the same rabid state as we have witnessed Jordon afflicted with previously. A truly, Truly Happy Father's Day.

Like the world's worst fucking hangover, through a combination of incredibly all-natural definitely non-magic means and the distant sounds of growling and barking, Eric Gun AJHQ turns out to be, in spite of it all, still alive. That be in an overwhelming, overenthusiastic daze, of course. Giddy from murder, Eric happily accepts the influx of anons with open arms and responding to their revolted ogling with newfound joy. No longer do their claims of being sexier than him sway the man, given the combination with sudden, hollow compliments in between. Not that it matters anyway, as even the more degrading of comments seem to... ahem.

Anyways, out all the Unique conversations Eric has with his dearest Jammers, one point sticks out to him the most. ??, whom of which people were talking his ears off about previously, is alive and well. (Yet notably not eating a berry. Fatal mistake.) If Eric managed to murder the supposedly fearsome, might National Geographic, then... Then...!

' HE CAN DO ANYTHING!!! :)'

After all, what better is there to do then what he does best? COMMIT UNSPEAKABLE AMOUNTS OF VIOLENCE. The thought of brutalizing this bee excites Eric enough to make him start foaming at the mouth... Or maybe that's just the untreated rabies. Either way, filled to the brim with such a surge of energy, he is quick to make a BEE-line straight to Layer 13, gaining the same Inhuman speed as that other guy and reaching his beloved Headquarters in no time. This is such a "in no time" moment in fact, that it seems he is instantaneously able to get to Layer 13 as well. Scary!

Not as Scary as his tracking skills, of course, because he manages to find the exact location where ?? and Normal Human became office-mates. Except... There is one issue. As Eric smashes down the door to the room as if his name was Johnny, ?? is nowhere to be found. Leaving Normal Human themself alone at base, of course. At the sound of imminent destruction, Normal Human is instinctively startled, yet it shifts into confusion when they are met with everyone's favorite manager in his beyond frenzied state. NH desperately begs for an explanation, but Eric is quick to cut them off. He is here with a purpose, and if anyone has an answer, NH is his best bet.

No matter how much of a pushover they are, however, Normal Human refuses to unhand the precious information in regards to their friends location. They can tell something is fishy, but they can't place their paw on it... Until Eric puts a harpoon to their neck, that is, sending them into a further panic than previously imagined. Normal Human is quick to beg for their life, almost tripping back on their earlier words of secrecy as they say they will do anything, absolutely anything for him. At this point, however, Eric has his eyes on another prize. As a little treat after such a long trip, he is perfectly willing to, temporarily, set back his goal for a bit of a "rest stop." Having them backed in a corner, Eric makes his intentions clear as he quotes the wise words of the 44th president of the United States of America:

"Then perish. :)"

With one foul swoop, and a metal rod directly through their throat, Eric slaughters NH for their disobedience against such an Important Company Figure. Gosh, behavior like that could get you fired, you know! Through this, he takes note that Normal Human's signature, cutesy bow has become loose.. Must have not fastened it tight enough, huh, Jammers? An additional gift never hurts, and takes the bloodied item into his own hands. Or his own hair, rather. It's important to make sure it stays out of your eyes for such laborious activities! Double-checking, Eric further examines the body, he confirms that NH wont be waking up.

Oh, hey, have we mentioned it's SUNDAY again? You know what that means! It's Fun Fact Sunday, and Andrew has a special surprised planned for her good friends. As Normal Human and ?? were some of the few to support her after that excruciating encounter last time, she wanted to allow them the chance to participate by-

Andrew walks into the room and is immediately greeted by a blonde prettyboy covered in blood.

With her friend's corpse front in center, of course.

Before either of them can properly react, Andrew uses her common sense and makes a break for it towards her own office, which is disconcertingly nearby. Woefully for Andrew, the only thing for Eric that can come remotely close to the Thrill of the Kill is the Chase.Yet with her limited time, Andrew uses her live company-wide broadcasting to beg, to ask someone, anyone for help. Although, as we all know most average people tune out Fun Fact Sunday preposterous spam, Andrew is surprised when the first person reach out to her is A12, the one who insulted her earlier cause in the first place. Not only that, but there's a certain insect waiting there with him.

As it turns out, ?? went to seek out the crabby fellow from this earlier argument, deciding to attempt at making amends, with the inspiration of NH's motif of just wanting everyone to get along. Yeowch! Now there is hardly any time for these two to connect over their love of board games, seeing that Andrew is quick to mention to them that all of their lives are on the fucking line here. A12 goes on some half-assed speech about justice or whatever and tells them to prepare for battle like this is some shitty war reenactment b-movie or something, incidentally even further wasting Andrew's time before she begins to hear the all familiar noise of slamming outside her door.

Forced to cut contact with her two comrades, Andrew looks for somewhere, anywhere to hide in her room, before settling on the most obvious position of inside her closet, coincidentally filled with Clown Webcomic merchandise. Yet, when the door is smashed open, it almost seem as if Eric himself believes she would never do something as stupid as staying in her office, right..?? Right? Andrew's attempts at keep quiet are an active struggle, as the Anons attempts to reassure and compliment her are twisted like a knife in her back, trying to reply to get them to stop at this deeply inappropriate moment.

It could have been Eric's ever-persistent, ever-constant awareness of the Jammers at play, or the fact every one of Andrew's words were being broadcasted. But seriously, come on, what kind of Final Girl hides in a fucking closet, of all things?

Eric grabs Andrew logo-first, as she urgently attempts to fight free and pleads for him to let go of her. Quick to take note of the pain the action seems to inflict, Eric manually pries the logo off further, ignoring Andrew wailing to make it stop before it tears off entirely. In spite of this, there is nothing she can do to stop the inevitable, with as soon as she and the plant are separate, Andrew unceremoniously fall to the floor. Reduced to a state of near complete collapse, the only noises Andrew can formulate are honks and swear words respectively.

Eric, with his kind, good-natured soul, sees Andrew suffer this excruciating agony and feels a sense of mercy. He decides, with this act, he must carry out what any morally-just man would do in this situation:

Fire his gun directly through Andrew's skull.

AND THAT'S WHAT HE DOES, BABY!!!

After the therapeutic activity of blowing a funny clown's brains out, Eric takes the time to resume his silly discussions with his upmost favorite Jammers, who respond in, primarily, utter revulsion, going so far as to claim he is "fucking insane." (LIKE THE JOKERS!) Since these little side-hustles have been achieved, Eric is happy to resume his upmost important task of find that bitch of bee... But not before getting himself another tiny gift. He turns around to ransack Andrew's corpse, only to discover it is nowhere to be found. Eric is promptly fucking alarmed, losing any sense of "cool" he had before due to this development alone. It does not help that the Jammers spout "referances" about "turning his back on the body" he does not even remotely understand, returning to his ways of bawling them out as a futile retort.

[THIS IS WHEN THE THINGS WITH MO BEGIN TO HAPPEN BUT I DON'T HAVE THE CONFIDENCE OF WRITING IT OUT. I'M JUST USING THIS AS A SEPARATOR TO INDICATE TIME HAS PASSED BETWEEN THESE TWO DIFFERENT ERIC SECTIONS.]

We return once more to the world's certified MOST robotic cunt, who's former confidence has dwindled to a noticeable degree. Eric speaks in outward denial about getting lost, given that the location of his intended victim has been lost on him. It is likely not helped by the fact that, by close proximity to The Hive, the corridors seem to get longer, to shift every which way, to contort at the minds eye, to loop like running door to door to door in a Scooby Doo chase sequence, To, to, to, to... It's not worth thinking about for too long, Jammers. Eric is well experienced in these matters, anyhow. It is easy for The Hive to play tricks on the mind, to gently open the door in order to be met with tricks played on the mind to play in the order of the-

Normal Human’s vile, puppeteered corpse whispers the final sentence like a curse.

Their body unceremoniously drops to the ground, lame as it is lifeless. Eric, staggering from the supernatural experience in combination with his hatred of musical-based poetry, responds in a levelheaded manner by crytyping half-baked apologies, persistently pleading for forgiveness. Unfortunately, the impact of NH's fall gives him no response but the catastrophic flinging of the Foot Lettuce in his general direction. Eugh, how unsanitary! Not only that, the Jammers only comfort to give the man is once again serving as a reminder of how excruciatingly unsexey they think he is. Sad! Well there's other guys to worry about.

Such as Barold! Barold is currently situated in god knows where. Harold's corpse is there. Mikey please help me write this section. Barold is a clone of Harold.

SPEAKING OF MORE SECTIONS THE MAN WRITING THIS NEEDS HELP WITH Mo reaches AJHQ and encounters Larry who he then starts dragging him with him to Layer 13 because he wants to kill Eric for clown murders. but ALSO that is when will gets there and larry can't understand him or something and then mo fuck rights off okay yeah anyways

Isolated from either strange, confusing individuals, Larry is left rather dumbfounded in his current state before interrupted by the all familiar sound of a phone ringing. Conveniently, there is a phonebooth-probably-i-guess meant to contact the lower layers placed literally right there next to him. Larry, with nothing better to do, answers the phone. As it turns out, A12 and ?? have responded to the robot-related violence in their layer by begging for help, and, until now, no one had even bothered to pick up. Seeing that he was already on his way there, (somewhat against his will,) he agrees to at least try to help them.

Oh boy, on the note of robot-related violence, Eric has stopped being a little bitch curled up in a ball on the floor and has once again returned to his overtly overconfident self, reaffirming his motivations towards wanting to kill ?? over and over to a nearly disconcerting degree. He is not paranoid. What makes you think that, motherfucker? Clearly you don't have an grasp of the situation at hand, and he is DEFINITELY not hearing the sounds of honks in the other room. Wait. Wait, wh-

There appears what Eric had most feared, Andrew aimlessly standing straight and alive(?) as ever, not even her expression confessing up a semblance of shock.

Of course, Eric, on the other hand, is completely struck silly with terror. He can hardly get a word out as he cautiously approaches the clown, but swiftly, she stumbles forward like a sickly man who has forgotten how to function. At first, it seems shes offering up her hand, but it is soon apparent that the only hand involved is the handing over of a little message centered in her palms: A bunch of sticky notes, labeled with crude sayings and sentences. Eric does not know how to respond to this, expecting her retaliation to be... You know... A little more outwardly violent?

With a last blank stare, Andrew smiles and nods, before dropping dead directly in front of him. The utter force of her corpse smashing against the ground manages to knock one of her teeth out, flinging it across the room like a fired bullet.

Eric stands dumbfounded and dismayed, sinking the ground in temporary defeat, only to silently stare at the cadaver in front of him. Perhaps it is out of further paranoia of being haunted/hunted, or the baffling state of the situation in general, or even the barking of the bird in his brain. No matter what it may be, we yet again leave Eric be to his solemn silence.

What better than to distract from average every day torment than GETTING ITEMS FROM JAM MART? Or lack thereof, of course, as everyone LOVES Animal Jam Updates, and this one that's approaching, no one is prepared for it, as spoken from this random employee who appeared out of nowhere and is overly disconcertingly wary. Of what? Well, just about everything, when you're working at Animal Jam. Be excited though, also, because thrill is a necessary emotion when working at Animal Jam. So many emotions and moods and feelings, THAT must be why he litters his message with mood indicators, but don't get it confused with the "slashing" kind, as this man fucking LOVES emojis.

Increasingly, however, it is apparent that this poor, poor employee is no longer alone, as he begins panicking more and more towards something else in the room. Before long, the swift movement seems to directly knock him out of his chair, before getting a brief glance of a creature that seems to distort its colors and shape at will. Or maybe it's just the combination between his tritanopia and farsightedness kicking his ass, considering he's just barely lost his corrective glasses. It's so hard when you can hardly see shit for fuck without your glasses, Jammers! In a state of lacking vision, it's not long before he is once more pinned down, and, after a period of *distant sobbing noises*, it is revealed that, whatever has just attacked out dear friend has decided to slurp out some of his bones like a silly straw. Does he mean the bone marrow, or literally the entire bone? Who fucking knows, but it leaves him unable to move entirely.

The Jammers attempt to help this fine fellow, asking for his name causing him to finally reveal that he is Robin L, from Layer 3 to be exact, although he notes that it might not matter anymore considering the state that he is in. He specifically request aid from his fellow employees, Dave and Simone, who end up being completely unavailable, presumably due to the same unknown horrors that Robin is undergoing. When it seems that Robin is finally on his deathbed, a fellow L3er Jake ends up finding him and respond to with pure alarm.

As Jake makes a move to assist in his #bestie, he is stopped when the accursed entity stands before Robin's body, whom of which the latter cannot even see. Before Robin can even finish in asking him what is happening, the horrible thing enters his body, becoming apparent that it has possessed this poor man entirely. Jake cannot even manage a single breath in before it swipes him off of his feet, demanding he serve as a direction towards to deepest, darkest locations of AJHQ. Jake, inferring that this means the area of The Hive, is too scared at the idea of what would even happen if he did disagree, so he, obviously, agrees. In spite of knowing nothing of who or what this thing is or what it wants, the two (three, if you count Robin as present in any form.) forcefully set off whether Jake likes it or not.

Meanwhile, on the note of weird possession by unfathomable entities, Eric still hasn't gotten past his encounter with Not-Andrew, but takes note of the tooth that she had lost upon her aforementioned descent. Like a comically bright lightbulb appearing over his head with a ding, Eric remembers that he had not obtained a "prize" from her corpse, and tries to cheer himself up in these rather dark times by, of course, snatching it from himself. When he does this, however, he near instantly stabs himself through the hand with the razor sharp item. On top of that, no matter how hard he tugs, it refuses to budge in its place. Having his perfect form damaged in the stupidest way possible inherently reignites Eric's rage, causing him to curse out all of Layer 13 and, more specifically, that horrible fucking bee that got him into this mess. He storms off on his murderous rampage once more, ignoring the anons insistently talking about "Jack Black" and what-have-you. Hey, at least his new appearance reminds him of one of his favorite funny cat characters, Scourge from the book series Warriors by Erin Hunter! Awesome!

Closure
it being terminated

Beginnings
bad

The Rest
sucks. and it got abandoned so it needs no end section

PAJ-VTL
was a retelling, so there's not much of note, but you guys can put little extra tidbits and fun facts if y'want

Beginnings
DREAM SMP

The Rest
YEAHHHHH!! DIVORCE!!